ONLY GOD KNOWS


friday night a fm radio dj played his favorite songs of
1966 including " god only knows " by the beach boys

"....if you should ever leave me
life would go on believe me

the world could show nothing to me
so what good would living do me...."

we met, i came into some money, and we decided to
run away. the rent for a room in the rear of the house
was fifty dollars. i paid four months in advance.
the room was ugly with peeling walnut green paint
had cracks in the ceiling and was unheated. but it was
also beautiful with a thick carpet, wooden windows
that opened inward and a door that opened onto
a brilliant green and overgrown rear yard

often we would spend the whole day in our room
sitting against a wall bundled in a pile of quilts
and blankets, door and windows open and daylight
streaming in. she and i would be completely stoned
out of our minds looking out at a profusion of uncut
grass, weeds and a parade of red ladybugs green aphids
golden butterflies and other flyings insects

its times like those i sometimes recall years decades and
lifetimes after their occurence. when i find myself amid
overgrown grass or in the warmth of the sun a memory
or two will overcome me. i can again feel her soft body
against mine and hear these comforting words

"....i may not always love you
but as long as there's stars above you

you never need to doubt it
i'll make you so sure about it

god only knows what i'd be without you "