TRADER JOES


yesterday i paid $81.45 to fill up my 1969 impala 4-door.
it's avocado green with dark green leather interior and is
a great drinker of gas. so in the interest of saving both
the environment and my wallet i rode the bus to a home
depot in manhattan beach, a coastal suburb of los angeles

i need to replace a couple of torn pulldown shades.
waiting in the checkout line i started to fell strange
and leaving the store i realized i had eaten half a brownie
this morning. a momentary wave of panic hit me which i
shrugged off and walked two blocks to trader joe's where
i stood in another line with two liters of olive oil and
a package of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

a very attractive woman is in front of me. she's dressed
in a short frilly kind of dress, a babydoll. it was popular
during the late 70s. she wore stylish glasses and heels
and had long blond hair. i thought to myself " good god
in heaven will you look at this woman !"

when i was a younger man i would have racked
my brain in an effort to say something clever.
now, in later years, its a snap. " excuse me i need
a beautiful woman like you to come home to.
are you available ?"

i know that sounds lame and corny. but it works
sometimes. even at trader joes

THESE SOUR TIMES


i'd just finished cleaning beach sand from my feet and
sandals and had thrown the towel into the car's trunk
when i hear a woman's voice

" do you know how to get to abbot kinney? "

i turn towards her

" i parked my car on abbott kinney and don't remember
how to get there "

she's wearing a short white dress with big yellow and
red dots, a green blouse and a beige fisherman's hat
over twin ponytailed hair. after a moment's thought

" yeah, infact i do, it's several blocks away "

and point down the street. she puts her left hand on her hip,
looks down the block and frowns a bit

" is it that far? "

i close my car's trunk

" it's a couple minutes drive, may i offer you a ride? "

she smiles

" would you? that'd be great! "

i unlock and open the front passenger door, let her in,
walk to the driver's side get in, start the car and off we go
she's excited about obama. i ask why

" because he's about hope you know? and that's what
we need because without hope everything's hopeless
you know? "

i glance at her legs

" really? what about hillary? "

she laughs

" hillary? that clucking hen? that's all she is a clucking hen! "

i look at her face, she has freckles and green eyes

" a clucking hen, huh? "

i laugh with her as we reach abbott kinney

" there's my car "

she points to a blue honda minivan. i stop besides it

" listen i'm looking for a beautiful woman like you
for a lover, are you available? "

she smiles and squeezes my arm

" oh aren't you sweet! i'm really not into men anymore,
but if i was "

she kisses the tips of her right fingers and gently
touches them to my face. i wilt like a flower and
weakly say

" well have a nice day "

as she gets out of my car

" thanks again "

she brightly says

" and remember we have to have hope and
hopefulness you know? "

she gets into her car and starts the engine.
i wave and drive off. as i approach venice boulevard
the light changes from green to yellow to red. waiting
behind two men on a motorcycle, i turn on the radio.
a woman is singing in a warm syrupy voice

" ....hidden lies, forbidden fruit, covered eyes, naked truth,
it's so true, nobody loves me in these sour times "